I’ve had a topic I’ve meant to cover since we arrived in Kyiv, but like many blog entries, just haven’t had the time or motivation to get around to it. However, I saw something today that gave me the kick in the butt I needed.
While living in DC going through endless training to become the model diplomat I am today, I was taught a great phrase. To “outkick your coverage.” For those of you less football-minded than the rest of us (and that’s American football…not soccer), the phrase comes from when the kicker for a football team kicks the ball so far to the other team that the runner has a great chance to run it back for a big play. It’s hard to explain if don’t know anything about football. Anyway, the basic meaning is that you’ve done far better than you ever should have. In this slang use, it generally refers to someone who has snagged a mate much more attractive than they are.
That was a long drawn out explanation to explain that Ukraine is almost an entire country where every man has outkicked his coverage. Don’t get me wrong, there are attractive guys here (ever a few sans mullet) and some less than attractive women, but in general this balance is way out of whack. Let me use a few photographs to demonstrate. Unfortunately I don’t have any photos I took so I’ll have to grab some famous Ukrainians from the internets.
A typical Ukranian female.
A typical Ukrainian male.
This brings up my second American sports reference. Second base. This one comes from baseball. You’ve probably already heard it so I won’t go into as much detail. Anyway, it is the local past time for the younger Ukrainians. A nice summer evening is meant to be enjoyed and what better way than to buy a few giant beers in plastic bottles, head to the local park and grab a bench with your sweetie. Place sweetie on your lap and make out. Try not to inconvenience the people making out next to you as much as possible.
I really only wish I was joking about this. The front of my office building has a good-sized park. On my way out every day I have to weave through the few dozen people making out on benches, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, laying in the grass, sitting on the edge of the fountain. What inspired my post today was the couple making out in the front seat of their car while stopped at a red light.
I know I’m probably a bad guy and just throwing around stereotypes, but come to Kyiv and tell me I’m lying. About everything, Milla and Yakov, and the heavy petting in the streets.
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Pingback from greatdiversions.com · Sports Analogies in Ukraine - Part 2
July 18, 2007 at 2:48 pm
madalyn
In Ho Chi Minh City, they park — and sit on — their mopeds/motorcycles/zippy things on two wheels in the park and make out. All while trying not to impede the mopeds/motorcycles/zippy things on two wheels parked next to them. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but our vehicle was moving too quickly…
July 18, 2007 at 3:07 pm
angela
Yea I agree. Almost every DV “married couple” (married since their DV entry..) I see - 98% of the guys have definately outkicked their coverage…and lots of the Ukranian DV “married couples” are in their 30s with no kids/no previous marriages in a country where the average age at marriage is 23 for females and 27 for males, skewing younger in the countryside.
Yea right.
There’s something happening after those park sessions, then they lie about it later when they win the DV as a single person when they’ve really been married for years!
Brand new internal passports do not an unmarried person make.
That girl doesn’t look like our typical female DV applicant who has her (ahem) assets pushed up so high it’s ridiculous, along with the 1980s fluff hair and bright eyeshadow. But, lots of the DV applicants are from the countryside, not Kyiv. You can tell the difference between a person from Kyiv and one from the countryside from FAR away, IMHO.
Do you see that in NIV over there? You should try to come have fun with IVs in Poland for a while sometime…
July 19, 2007 at 12:17 pm
jv
From what I hear there are a lot of foreigners coming in to outkick their coverage. Harpers had a big story on this last year — a sort of expose by a guy who tagged a long on a Ukrainian wife-hunting expedition.
And ah, hell, while we’re on stereotypes: Ukrainian do women seem to age quickly. Childhood, teenage years, young & beautiful … babushka. It’s a hard life.
July 19, 2007 at 11:30 pm
dane
Shawn,
Just came across your blog searching for info about fso testing, which I just signed up for. Great bio about the school and training. I’m one of the old dudes looking for a second career, mid life crisis?! I’m currently a Postmaster for the USPS, but have some embassy time as a Marine Security Guard way back in 1986-89. This is were I have to dispute your Ukrainin women, they can’t top the women I meet when I was in Prague, CZ. Only wish it wasn’t a not frat post at the time. Caught with one and it was one strike and your out of country. Wish me luck with the testing.
Dane
July 20, 2007 at 2:09 am
Shawn
Hi Dane,
Good luck with the test. As you know they’ve changed it a bit, but I think having it computerized will speed things up a bit. That’s the theory anyway.
With your MSG background you’ll be with questions repeatedly in A-100 since we talk about the Marines quite a bit. Unfortunately, due to the set-up at Kyiv, I don’t have much interaction with the Marines. They do make me feel old though.
Shawn
July 20, 2007 at 8:40 am
Dane
Some small advice for junior fso. Go to the Marine house atleast once every
two months or so on a happy hour Friday night. Buy the Marines a beer, and
talk sports. Sometimes they feel that fso just think of them as the monkey in
the box, and just push the damn button and let me in the embassy. This will
also help denounce your geek status to them, and may aslo help if you ever
happen to leave a classified doc out by accident.
Dane
July 22, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Eric
Shawn and Dane,
Couldn’t agree more on the visiting with the Marines. I am at my first post and have had the opportunity to attend 2 of the marine parties. We had a blast. Super nice guys and a lot of fun. As far as the locals making out sessions in Buenos Aires, my wife Christy and I have modified the old slug bug game of hitting each other when you saw a VW bug to hitting each other when you see a couple making out. We may have to discontinue that game since we are both getting so bruised there is a danger of domestic violence charges. Dane, good luck and Shawn, good job.
-Eric