Freak-out

In a moment of relative boredom today, I started flipping through my dayplanner. Okay, so this week’s almost done. Next week’s looking pretty wide open. Then – what? The following week we have our move-out inspection and going away party? The following week?! How has it become so soon that we leave? And when will I get everything done? And so the freak-out begins.

The main problem I have with moving is the fact that there is an entire list of things that I feel like I should get done. And there’s the subset of that list of things that I can get done. And the further subset of things that will get done. And my perfectionist self has a hard time dealing with the disparity of those lists.

The other problem I have with moving is my general love/hate relationship with change. Granted, I’m so excited that we’re moving. I think it’s no big secret that I’m mentally and emotionally done with Ukraine. And I’m going to be happy to spend some time in the US after two years away. After that, I’m excited to see what it will be like to live in Nassau. But I find change to be so…draining. I’m not sure I can even put into words exactly what I’m feeling right now. Think of pretty much any emotion you’ve ever felt, and I bet I’m feeling it right now. Along with a million others.

I guess if I had to sum it up, I would say I’m feeling uneasy. I’m not sleeping well. I’m not functioning well. Which adds to the joy of the list of things I feel like I should do to prepare for departure.

But at the end of the day, I remind myself that what has to get done will get done. And I will survive if the rest of it doesn’t get done perfectly.

*deep breath*